Looking Glass Lives

Catching Up

2006-04-18T10:58:00.000-05:00

True, it has been awhile since I have posted, but so much has been going on in my life. I don't know where to start. I suppose I should start at the beginning. As of the end of January I have moved to Jacksonville with my best friend SCL. The move went well, but the job search is now whipping my ass. It is true that I currently am a substitute teacher for Duval County, but that isn't very stable and assignements right now are hit or miss. I've gotten another job with Pearson Educational Measurement, but that is only temporary, lasting until sometime in June. So major stress levels in that department. Which of course is hindering my attempt to quit smoking.

On the love front, nothing different. I'm still single, but no longer alone. One of the best things to come out of my move to Jacksonville was this great group of friends that I have met. We hang out almost every weekend and certain days during the week, depending on what is going on. It's like our own little Broken Hearts Club. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I love these guys. You should take a look at some of the pictures from our fun times together.

Now, if I could only get this job situation figured out, I'd have it made. . .for once in my life. I'll keep you posted.

Photo Friday: Blur

2006-02-10T13:56:00.000-05:00

Brokeback Mountain, Top Ten

2006-01-26T14:35:00.000-05:00

This was so funny that I just had to post it. Seems David Letterman did a Top 10 concerning Brokeback Mountain. So here it is. . .

Top 10 Signs You Are a Gay Cowboy

10. Your saddle is Versace.
9. Instead of Home on the Range, you sing It's Raining Men
8. You enjoy ridin', ropin' and redecoratin'.
7. Sold your livestock to buy tickets to Mamma Mia!
6. After watching reruns of Gunsmoke, you have to take a cold shower.
5. Native Americans refer to you as Dances With Men.
4. You've been lassoed more times than most steers.
3. You're wearing chaps, yet your "ranch" is in Chelsea.
2. Instead of a saloon, you prefer a salon.
1. You love riding, but you don't have a horse.

New Year, New Adventures

2006-01-13T15:59:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't written in awhile and since truthfully I don't know if people even read this or not (and if they do, then by golly they should leave more comments), I've not been in any hurry to update. But a lot has happened since the New Year, so I thought I should share some of the latest updates.

The biggest update is my upcoming move. It's been a couple months in the planning, but the actual day is coming fast. Come the end of January I shall be moving to Jacksonville. Once in JAX, I have also decided that I will most likely go back to school to become a Massage Therapist. I've always been told I have a gift with my hands, and after two years of MT Instructors telling my that I should go into Massage Therapy, I think I'm finally ready to take the plunge.

Tell you the truth, I'm scared shitless. I'm one of those people that get comfortable in a place, in a situation, and find it tough to change. This move, even though it's only two hours away, is rather big for me. It's definitely a new adventure in my life. But I believe that it's a path I should have taken long ago. We shall see.

Christmas Memories

2005-12-23T13:44:00.000-05:00

As Christmas inches closer, I can't help but think back over the memories of Christams past that I hold close to my heart. Upon hanging ornaments on the tree, I hang the ornaments that I made as a five-year old kid, placing plastic dixie cups on a cookie sheet and watching them melt down into cool shapes. Small discs of green, red, and blue, catching the lights from the tree, a prism of color upon the wall. Then of course, memories of other ornaments, and the meanings attached come flooding through, each bringing a small smile to my face. Then of course see the presents under the tree, I remember the year I received an Atari. (Aging myself, I know.) I woke up real early in the morning, maybe 3 or 4, and everyone asleep in the house. I creep downstairs, and lay upon the couch facing the Christmas tree. I cover myself with an afghan, peering out upon the tree from the tiny holes. I, of course, was hoping I could see Santa Claus. Though from my secretive perch I see may parents creep down and hide the gifts that couldn't be wrapped under the tree. When the time came for everyone to wake up in the pre-dawn light, I could be found, until I started giggling. Memories truly do make the holidays bright. As I look forward to the new year ahead of us, I also look to the new adventure that I am about to partake, the new chapter of my life, and all the Christmas memories yet to come.

Around the World

2005-12-20T14:31:00.000-05:00

Saturday, SCL and I went to EPCOT. We spent most of the day in the World Showcase. It was mainly a day to relax, get some pictures, and fool around since neither of us know when we'd be able to ever go again. As is always the case when the two of us go out, the day consisted of steady drinking. I had cider in UK, plum wine in Japan, and wine in Italy. In fact we never really made it much past Italy. We ended up finding this really cute Italian boy. SCL and I flirted with him, he in turn flirted with us. He even spent a good portion of his break with us just talking. I definitely felt my heart beat fast around this one, but then again I have a real weakness for European men. *fans self* After dinner in Morocco, we headed back to Italy for more wine. We ended up staying there the rest of the evening, watching the fireworks that capped off the day. It was a wonderful day all around. Christmastime memories that will last a lifetime.

I Got Tagged

2005-12-15T11:07:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it. I've been tagged for a meme!! Never in my wildest dreams would I think this could happen. But after you've been in the blogdom for a while, it's bound to happen. I suppose I should thank yaniboy, and try my best at it.
The rules for this particular meme are as follows:

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. scott
2. nathan
3. eddy
4. yaniboy
5. greer

Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to so they can do this meme, like so: Okay, I really don't know how many people actually read my blog, so I really don't know if the people I tag will actually do it, but here goes nothing.

1. Fire-Eyes
2. Curtis
3. David
4. JJD
5. Do you really think I could come up with FIVE

Here we go...

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Hmm. . .well I would have been a senior in college, so packing up to leave the dorm and heading home for Christmas (a whole whopping 15 minutes across town. LOL)

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Sitting at the same desk I am now.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Pretzels
2. Pumpkin Seeds
3. Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate
4. Almonds
5. Pringles

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Hey I'm Gay, what can I say
1. Seasons of Love (from Rent)
2. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables (from Les Miserables)
3. Leavin' on a Jet Plane - Peter, Paul, and Mary
4. Gypsy Rover - Folk Song
5. Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Move to London and use it as my base to hike Europe
2. Buy a Loft Apartment
3. Start a college fund for my Nephew
4. Invest some of it
5. Get a personal trainer and/or a home gym This is a good idea yani!!!

Five bad habits:
1. Biting my nails
2. Smoking
3. Blabbering on and on and on and on and, well you get the picture
4. Keeping in touch with friends
5. Procrastination

Five things you like doing:
1. Photography
2. Hiking
3. Cooking
4. Going to the movies
5. Reading

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Cumberbums
2. Tightie Whities
3. Hawaiian shirts
4. Leather pants
5.

Five favorite toys:
1. Digital camera
2. iPod (I so want one!)
3. My laptop
4.
5.

Okay. . .there it is. I know I've left some blank, but then again my mind went blank on those. Enjoy!!

Return to the Runway

2005-12-08T11:12:00.000-05:00

Last night marked the return of Project Runway to Bravo. While I don't know much about the world of fashion. I somehow managed to watch last season, and got hooked. The challenges are exciting and the personalities are outrageous. (It also helps that I think a couple of the designers are yummy.) The two episodes last night were no exception. Brilliant television!! This season looks like it could be as good, if not better than last season. I definitely will keep watching.

The Holiday Ten

2005-12-04T11:48:00.000-05:00

Christmas is one of my most favorite times of year. The decorations, the music, the feeling of togetherness with family and friends. In my blogdom journeys, I've come across this wonderous meme from LargeTony. He is a great and wonderful person. His blogs are filled with a raw emotion that I find refreshing, and a writing style that is so enlightening that I find myself a little bit jealous that I can't write that way. This meme is entitled The Holiday Ten.

The Holiday Ten

Instructions: Copy and paste the questions to your blog (with your answers, not mine).

One. What is your favorite holiday movie?

Love Actually. Many might not think it a holiday movie, but the entire film is set during the Christmas Season. What can I say, I'm a sucker for a romantic comedy.

Two. What is your favorite holiday song (title and artist)?

Carol of the Bells.

Three. What’s the best holiday gift you were ever given, and why?

Tickets to see Seussical: The Musical. Just because I'm a musical theatre nut.

Four. Do you have a special someone to kiss at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s?

NO. NO. NO. *sad face*

Five. Name of your favorite reindeer?

Vixen. I imagine he's the hot, adonis reindeer.

Six. Favorite Holiday food?

Well that would have to be my family's homemade Carrot Pudding. (It's a bread pudding really, but it's an old old family recipe, and that's what it was called back then.)

Seven. Snow day — cuddle by the fire, or hand me a snowball?

Why cuddle by the fire of course, with a good wine, candlelight, and my love. (That's all I want for Christmas.)

Eight. What was your New Year’s resolution for this year? Did you stick to it?

I can never stick to resolutions.

Nine. Is there really a Santa Claus?

Jolly ol' St. Nick. Father Christmas is always alive in my heart.

Ten. Present, or stocking stuffer?

Stocking stuffers. . .the smallest gifts always mean the most.

No Day But Today

2005-11-28T15:07:00.000-05:00

Critics be damned!! This past weeekend I finally saw RENT in the theatres and I was pleased beyond belief. Many movie critics decided to pan the movie version saying it lacked the style and emotional impact of the Tony-award winning Broadway musical. I must say that I disagree with each and every one of them. I believe that comparing the movie to the musical is like comparing apples to oranges. They are two totally different formats, and because of that format difference, the movie can't help but be different from the musical. In the movie, more was able to be accomplished in the telling of the story especially through cinematography. The movie in turn increases the audience for the story of RENT, many more people now can experience it's magic and emotion. From the opening sequence until the closing credits, I had goose-bumps. And as is typical with me, I cried through most of it. The movie, in my opinion, increased the emotional impact. I plan on seeing it again and again while in theatres, and most definitely on my "must buy" list when it's finally released on DVD. Truly, when watching this film, there is "no day but today"!

Happy Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T09:12:00.000-05:00

Today is the day that we give thanks. A time to spend with family and friends. Of course stuffing ourselves silly on turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and assorted other gastronomical delights. My question today though is what are you thankful for? I am thankful that I am healthy. I am thankful for my family, their love and support, care and concern. But this year I am mostly thankful for the family that one creates, which this year includes my best friend SCL, and his boyfriend. This year, the three of us have a small, intimate dinner planned. These are memories, and friendships that can last a lifetime. Take some time, ponder, reflect, and let's hear what you are thankful for this year.

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

2005-11-17T15:07:00.000-05:00

I took this quiz a couple months ago on a forum that I am a member of and recently have come across it again. I thought I would take it a second time to see if perchance my results have changed. They have not. I am still the god of Dreams, and what a glorious god to be.

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

My Heart is Green

2005-11-14T19:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, when I'm bored I end up just hitting "Next Blog" and seeing what comes up. In the eternal search for something better to do I found this neat little quiz. Something cute, and something to do during the last couple of minutes of a fruitless day at work. Who can ask for anything more? Though I would have thought my heart would have been blue, who knew.

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.
When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.

Your flirting style: Laid back

Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking

Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm

What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Monster Mash

2005-11-07T12:38:00.000-05:00

For the monster in us all!!!

From the blog of yaniboy.

Dreams of JAX

2005-11-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

My friend SCL tells me not to think about it. Not to ruin my weekend because of it. He understands that feeling bad because he is going away this weekend, and I'm not, is justifiable, but in the end will only serve to bring me down. Well yeah, of course it's going to bring me down. And while he's spending time in Jacksonville with his boyfriend, I am, well, sitting in Orlando twiddling my thumbs. We are both suppose to be moving to Jacksonville in January, I have come to love the city as much as he does, but because he has a boyfriend up there and I don't, well I'm stuck here because I didn't want to feel like the "third wheel" during the weekend he wants to just spend some "alone" time with his boyfriend. But the thing is, he's going out with friends tonight because his boyfriend is working, a couple of which have started to become my friends too in the past couple of months. He'll probably be partying with them tomorrow as well, because one of them is leaving. Hell, SCL and his boyfriend probably won't get alone time until Sunday. These are things I want to do as well, but instead I stay home, prepare myself for the move, and dream of JAX. So if I pine for the fun he's having, I pine. Tells me not to think about it, I'm preparing myself for a move to a place he's having fun in while I'm, well, not having fun, and I'm not suppose to think about it?!?! Wish I could say I feel happy for him, but in honesty, I'm still a little jealous, and always will be I suppose. SCL's had nine months, I've only had a couple visits true, but Jacksonville is now my dream as well, but until I find someone as well, I'll always be that "third wheel" just hanging along for the ride. And well, it sucks!

Greer Needs. . .

2005-10-27T08:09:00.000-05:00

Okay this is a highly amusing and weird meme that I picked up on from yaniboy. When you actually follow the rules and look through the hits, it's weird to see some of the "needs" especially since my nickname shares itself with a highly despised judge in Florida. You be the judge.

I actually like the last three. LOL

This is how the meme works. You type your name and the word "needs" into google to find what you need. It works best if you put the whole thing in quotes.

And my list includes:

Greer needs to start looking for a new career.
Greer needs is for anyone with a brain to run the other way when he approaches with his spiel.
Greer needs a serious wake-up call.
Greer needs to update his presentation.
Greer needs to be impeached for murder.
Greer "needs armed bodyguards" for protection.
Greer needs to think again.
Greer needs to be made available to others.
Greer needs to be a great place to live, work and play.
Greer needs to be a bedroom community.

En Autumnum

2005-10-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

Wilma has come and gone. Here in Central Florida we received merely wind and rain, nothing major. However, Wilma brought with her a welcome and pleasant surprise, Autumn has finally arrived in Central Florida. Autumn is my favorite time of year, mild days, crisp chilly evenings with a lovely breeze. I love to just stand outside and smell the cool air, smiling all the while. Though in Florida, Autumn comes late, last only a few weeks and then fades into a balmy winter. Florida really has but one season, HOT. The few times of year, like now, when it get's cold enough for a light sweater and hot chocolate, I treasure. I just wish it would last longer, and it's times like this I wish I were further north, where the real seasons lie, watching the leaves turn and fall, and pumpkins dot the landscape. One day that will be true, but now, I treasure my Autumn day until the weekend when we warm up again.

Retro

2005-10-23T11:36:00.000-05:00

This week's Photo Friday challenge, Retro.

Midnight Rendezvous

2005-10-21T13:08:00.000-05:00

I am not one for one-night stands or just hooking-up. However, every once in awhile my hormones get the best of me and I end up thinking with the other head. Last night ended up being one of those nights. Sitting alone in the dark, whiling away the hours in a chatroom, I find myself talking with an individual that peaked my interest, in more ways than one. Before long I'm talking to him on the phone, then 'lo and behold I find myself at his door. Needless to say we all know what happened after that, twice! But we also talked, for awhile, I ended up spending nearly two hours with this guy last night. I found him attractive, both inside and out. I told myself I would know what I want when I found it. This guy is what I want. Unfortunately, as with everything in my life, there's a catch. He has a boyfriend, a boyfriend he hasn't seen in months due to travel schedules, but a boyfriend nonetheless. As is my luck, the good ones are either straight, or taken. And truthfully I never could wrap my though processes around the concept of an "open relationship." Now, though, I find myself in a quandry. The possibility is there of meeting again, repeating the events of last night (or rather early this morning). I don't know if I want to open that door, invest energy in something that I could regret at a later date. Should I persue a friendship, with benefits, or should I just walk away, leave it be. I still haven't learned I suppose to just treat sex as sex, to me it's always something more. In the end, I guess that's my biggest problem, and why I infrequently get laid to begin with. Ugh!

Divergence

2005-10-19T14:12:00.000-05:00

Physically I'm here, mentally I'm somewhere else. My life seems to follow divergent paths, where I am, and where I want to be. I begin to wonder where the divergence occurred, when did my two selves separate. I am not where I envisioned myself 5 or even 10 years ago. So many life changes, so many decisions made and lost. So many dreams and aspirations, gone. Is the real me actually out there? Having the life I've wanted for so long? Sometimes I feel like a shadow, looking in from the outside, never really a part even of my own life. Currently I am attempting to bring things into focus, to create a convergence, but things seem to be taking their sweet time. Life moves at a snail's pace. Lately it just feels like I'm disjointed. I'm neither depressed nor happy, I just am. Day to day living has become routine, a rut that sometimes I feel has become too deep to escape from. Six feet under, with nowhere to go. I know though that the dirge has yet to be written. Change is on the wind, I just wish the wind would pick up a little, it's getting a little stuffy down here.

Drunken Antics

2005-10-17T15:06:00.000-05:00

My weekends have never been the same since I met SCL. He's become an important part of my life. Better than a boyfriend, he's my BEST friend. And I couldn't ask for any better than him. Again this weeekend, we hung out, drank, and just had loads of fun. Sometimes our weekends are filled with, for lack of a better term, "drunken antics." This weekend was no different. Friday night we started out after work with our usual fare, drinks and dinner. We puttered around online for a bit, then decided to go out. We made it as far as the corner store before turning back. He was in no condition to drive, and, well, I can't drive a stick. So on the way back to his place we ran over a tree. Well more like a bush. . .more specifically a Crape Myrtle. Since his top was down, I got brunt of the tree across my front. Needless to say we spent the rest of the weekend cleaning out tree parts from the car. We still laugh and shake our heads when we pass by the tiny stump that was left. Well we behave ourselves more in the future? . . .in moderation, in moderation. LOL

Conspicuous

2005-10-14T08:11:00.000-05:00

I always like to try something different. I found out about Photo Friday through one of the blogs I regularly read. This week's challenge was "Conspicuous" and I believe this lovely yellow cactus flower is definitely noticable amongst the ochre tones of Petrified Forest National Park. So did I meet the challenge?

Coming Out

2005-10-11T08:30:00.000-05:00

Today is National Coming Out Day. This year's theme is "Talk About It." So in celebration I decided that I would share my coming out story. I know I touched on it some back in when I was talking about looking for my Prince Charming, but I feel I didn't do it much justice. I was a sophmore in college, almost 12 years ago now, and I had just started working as a Peer Writing Consultant. We were required to keep journals of kind in order to help focus our writing, and I had come upon two enteries from a previous consultant who had worked in the writing center a few years before. I had always, I guess, known that I was different. I had girlfriends in high school, but in the end they just ended up being girls who were friends, I never really felt attracted to them. In college, my attraction toward men became more in focus, and then I found myself reading V's own coming out story. Sitting there on the couch, suddenly all the feelings that I had kept bottled up started coming to the surface. I was seeing myself through the eyes of another, another person who felt the same things I was feeling and had gone through the same emotions. I admitted then, for the first time, I was gay. I broke down, crying on the couch, while everything washed over me. I don't remember much more about that day, but I remember that in the next couple of weeks I started coming out to friends at school. The funny thing, most of them already knew, they were just waiting for me to "know." Well 12 years later, it is still a struggle. Some people are freed upon coming out, I was freed, yet still burdened. I live openly, but often feel that I have been discriminated against because of it. People would never admit it out loud, but I know it's there. And that is why coming out is so important. The more people the come out, the more society sees that we are human, we are just like them in many ways, we just love differently. That love is not wrong, but should be cherished as all love is cherished. Sometimes it's difficult, but in the end, change is always for the better, even if we don't see it at the time. If you only come out to one person, in the end, coming out to the one person, makes the burden easier, and coming out as a whole so much easier to bear.

Swearing Off Men

2005-10-06T14:25:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm swearing off men. Sounds easier than it looks though. Unlike bisexuals, I am 100% gay, I have no fall back position when it comes to sex besides the right hand. Seriously, the thought of sex with women (shudders), I came out of one of those at birth and I ain't going back in! So even though bisexuals have their choice between men and women, personally I think they're just plain greedy, I love men and it is men for which I am swearing off. Men, for all intent and purposes, are pigs. There never is a good man around when you need one. And when one does show up, they are either straight, in a relationship, or in the end, a jerk. I shall henceforth (or at least for the next couple months, until after I move) become celibate. Of course I'm going to need the constitution of a saint to pull this one off. Which then gets me to thinking saint = Catholic = priest = sexually repressed = ah hell, I'm screwed. I know my limbido will get the best of me in the end. After all, I am only human. But at least I can try and put in a good show and attempt to swear off men.

Banned Book Week

2005-09-30T10:27:00.000-05:00

You know, this week has come and gone, and I'd almost forgotten about it. I'm just a bad librarian. Yes, I am a librarian. In fact I am a liberal librarian. Is there any other kind you ask, unfortunately yes, our First Lady is a librarian is she not? I do not believe in filtering, and despise censorship in any form. So why I forgot about Banned Book Week I shall never know. The American Library Association, of which I am a proud member, has posted the 100 most banned books, a list which upon gazing I find quite illuminating. I myself have read several books on this list (over 10%):

3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (series) by J.K. Rowling
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
28. The New Joy of Gay Sexby Charles Siverstein
37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

I challenge you! Read a Banned Book Today!!

Telling 'Im Off

2005-09-29T14:36:00.000-05:00

Beginning of this month I was again looked over for a promotion, my position taken by someone else. Which of course, as I have written earlier, made me feel like I had been sucker punched. Well today I finally had enough. All this bitterness and bile had been building in my system for a month now and I had to get rid of it. So I finally told the back-stabbing sycophant off. What a catharsis it was!! I told him in not so uncertain terms that I didn't trust him, didn't like him, and that I generally felt he stole that promotion away from me. Of course he told me that he never knew I was up for the promotion or he would have never taken it, which I know for a fact from my supervisor is not true. Though he still basically lies to my face, and grovels profusely before me, knowing that he'd be farther in chaos with his department than he is now had it not been for the effort and work I had put into that department before hand, I feel better about my self. It feels good to just purge these emotions, rather than let them fester inside. Healthier in the long run too. Will I ever get the raise or promotion I deserve. Unknown. Though I'm still looking for other avenues to pursue. The future comes as it may, for good or ill.

Out of Context

2005-09-28T11:20:00.000-05:00

Looks like I'm jumping on the meme-wagon. This one I again picked up from yaniboy. It goes something like this.

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find you 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Now since I haven't been blogging that long, I only really have 24 posts at this time. So I shot for somewhere in the middle and found this out of context line.

I was so dancing in my seat.

It came from my RENT post. Which, all in all, wasn't that big. But it is fun in a way.

I'm suppose to tag five people now, but as with yaniboy, not even sure five people read this on any given day. But if you feel up to it, pass it on, it's like a virus. LOL

Whatever the Wind May Blow

2005-09-26T17:15:00.000-05:00

The winds of change are coming. Events have been put into motion, and what may come I do not know. All I know is that right now I'm willing to take a chance on change. This change of course will involve a move, whether small or extreme, sometime before the year is out I will be moving. The nice thing though is that I won't be moving alone. I will have my best friend at my side. This weekend he and I had a major heart to heart and we have both come to the conclusion that the time is nigh for a change. We have both come to a point in our lives that we realize our time in Orlando is nearing the end. I personally need to grow, to expand my horizons outside of city that I no longer feel is my home. My instinct, that inner self, nags at me. In my gut I feel that the time is now for something, anything, to bring about a change. For me it was the day I met SCL, the one person in my life who, in a matter of weeks, has become my catalyst. In truth, we've become each other's catalyst. We've become each other's confidant. For once we both have found someone who felt the same way inside, that something needs to finally change. And we both agree that together, we will face this change. We, he, I stand at the precipice looking at the endless horizon before us. Our future lies out there somewhere, and we will face it together, whatever the wind may blow our way.

Red, White, & Nude

2005-09-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

I am white boy. . .very white. English, Irish, Scottish, Danish, Dutch background. . .so very white. Which means that I should remember that I need sunscreen when I go to the beach, right?! Well dumb me forget yesterday, and of all days to forget too. A friend and I decided to go to the coast and visited our local gay nude beach. Well we laid out, played in the surf, met this cute guy from North Carolina, and three hours later headed home. Though the damage was done. We were now both red from head to toe, literally. Even our bums bore the sweet reddness of sunburn. Now. . oh dear. . kill me now. I never knew a sunburn could hurt so bad, especially when it's difficult to sit down. But boy did I ever have the time of my life.

I am The World

2005-09-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

The World represents the moments when we feel fulfilled and blessed and all that goes into them. It is a very positive sign that you are in a position to realize your heart's desire. What that is for you depends on the situation, but it will always feel great. Remember, though, that Card 21 is a symbol of active contribution and service. To hold the World in our hands, we must give of ourselves to it. That is the source of true happiness.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you?

I found this link on a blog that I look at quite often. Thanks Yaniboy! If you can, post a comment, and let's see what tarot card other people are as well.

RPC Redux

2005-09-14T19:03:00.000-05:00

Things had been going so well with the reluctant prince charming, then my RPC had to screw up, royally.

My RPC was beginning to come out of his shell. The notes back and forth were becoming more frequent, his latest I used to carry around in my wallet, a wallet by the way that he had given to me by way of our mutual friend. Used to?!?!? Why don't I still carry the note around many of you may wonder. Well like I said, the RPC just had to fall from the tiny pedestal I had put him on, and to tell you the truth I don't think he'll find his way back up there anytime soon.

After the bruhah of my lost promotion, my co-worker had finally convinced the RPC that is was time to finally go out and do something, mainly to pull me out of my slight depression over the whole nasty affair. Well the weekend came and went, and yet nothing transpired, I didn't even get a phone call from my co-worker. Needless to say I was rather pissed when I came into work. Let's just say that my anger pailed in comparison to the co-worker's. Now comes the point in the story where the RPC messed up.

To give you a little background, the RPC had been taking care of his ex-boyfriend whose was dying from AIDS, which he had contracted from the boyfriend after the RPC. I found this rather endearing, it showed me that here was a compassionate man who would be there even when times got tough. Though what he was found doing that Saturday, rather unforgivable. My co-worker, who has been friends with the RPC since high-school, went to his house that morning. . . and found him fucking his ex-boyfriend!!! Considering the state the ex-boyfriend was in, we still are unsure of whether he was even aware or not of what was happening to him. So needless to say, the co-worker removed the ex-boyfriend from the situation and has cut all communication with the RPC. Even though I have lost my RPC, because I doubt this is something I can accept, or even forgive, but my co-worker. . .she's lost a good friend of 10+ years. Right now it's her I'm trying to keep from falling apart.

This though leads me back to square one. Single. . .and loathing it.

Hacking Up a Lung

2005-09-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

I know, the title doesn't really seem appeasing, but it really does describe the state of my weekend and currently my week. For over a week now I've been coughing something fierce, sicker than a dog. Can't even sleep properly. I'm a tosser, so everytime I turn, I end up hacking for several minutes, so no real sleep. Finally I've broken down and made a doctor's appointment for this afternoon. They probably tell me it's some sort of URI and put me on antibiotics. One good thing though has come from this, I've quite smoking!! Had to really, couldn't take the hacking, let along the hacking after I'd take a puff. Though let's just say that these past five days have been rather interesting. Bitchdom to the nth degree!!! Just so pleasant to be around. (Big SMILE)

Coming Soon

2005-09-08T15:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, either I'm a complete movie geek, or I've got too much time on my hands at work. Regardless of which, I looked up the release dates of those movies that I will want to see this fall and winter. Since my movie tastes depend entirely on my moods, this list is rather eclectic, ranging from romantic comedy to science fiction, from mainstream to indie. Hmm, question answered, I'm just a movie geek.

Sept. 16 Just Like Heaven	Sept. 23 Corpse Bride	Sept. 30 MirrorMask Serenity
Oct. 14 Elizabethtown	Oct. 28 Legend of Zorro	Nov. 18 Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire Pride & Prejudice
Nov. 23 RENT	Dec. 2 Aeon Flux	Dec. 9 Chronicles of Naria: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe Brokeback Mountain

Sucker Punched

2005-09-02T11:34:00.000-05:00

Figuratively I feel like I've been sucker punched in the kidneys. Literally it amounts to the same thing. I have had my promotion yanked from under me in the most downright, rottenest way possible. Makes me just want to spit!! For months, I have been the only candidate for this position I had interviewed for, until about two weeks ago, when another manager decides he wants to make a lateral move and expresses interest. This guy has little to no experience in General Education, and yet, because he does have a masters and is currently already a program manager, they give the position to him. And he has the gall yesterday to laud it over me!! Not only does he start advertising his new position amongst the school, before it was made official (ie, before I was told I didn't get the promotion), he tells me yesterday that he's going to want to rely heavily on me to help him rebuild the department, the department that was suppose to be mine!!! I just fumed. . .nodded my head, but fumed and envisioned his head imploding in upon itself. I want to scream. I want to throw something. I want to hit someone. If I could afford to leave my job I would, but unfortunately right now in this economy I must just sit back, take the punch, grimance, and return to being the docile librarian. Grrrrr.

What the Vorlon Knows

2005-08-31T13:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm really really bored at work, and have nothing whatsoever to do. Decided I would post one of those ever so endearing surveys. It's not much, but somehow I like just being a mystery encased in an enigma.

*Who are You?*
Name?	Gregory R. Mullins
Nicknames?	Greer, Hatter
Age?	31
Height & Weight?	5'11 and 200 lbs
Hair & Eye Color?	Dirty Blonde with Grey/Blue Hazel Eyes
Live where?	Orlando (if there ever was a gateway to Purgatory, this is it)
Siblings?	2, 1 sister and 1 brother
Marital Status?	Single, alas Single
Occupation?	Librarian. . .just call me Marian and be done with it. :o)
*What do You Want?*
Dreams?	Become a Sign Language Interpreter. Write a novel. Visit every National Park.
Hobbies?	Photography. Writing. Reading. Knitting.
*Where are You Going?*
Travel?	Just about anywhere and everywhere. Wish I could just win the lotto, retire, and just travel and write. . .
Live?	I have a top five list of cities to move to: Portland, Seattle, Boston, Denver, & Phoenix. Though I'm sure this will change. . .
*Who do You Serve, and Who do You Trust?*
Friends?	Many acquaintances, very few true friends.
Religion?	Still Searching. . .
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Weekend Doldrums

2005-08-29T19:59:00.000-05:00

You know I really don't mind being single, during the week I've work and school to keep me occupied. The trouble with singledom is more evident though on the weekends. I've noone to take out to dinner, to go to movies, to take out of town for a daytrip. The emptiness of the weekends just seem to drag on forever. Friends help fill the days, but most of my friends either now live out of state, or are too far of a drive away, that gas prices nowadays make the trip more trouble than it's worth. Not to say I just sit twiddling my thumbs. I do chores around the house, sometimes craft, bake cookies, but there is only so much you can do before you go stir-crazy. So I go out, drive to Borders and wander around with my mocha breve. I take myself out to dinner, or a movie, but there's no conversation, noone to talk to when the movie's done. However, I don't want a boyfriend just so I have something to do on the weekends. That's rather selfish. I don't want a boyfriend to complete me. As I have learned, I'm as complete an individual as I'm ever going to be. A whole person worthy of love. And that's why I want a boyfriend, someone to complement me, someone that I can share my life, my experiences, my existence with. Therefore I suppose I must experience singledom to its fullest, before I can be ready for coupledom.

Lynchesque Day

2005-08-19T14:46:00.000-05:00

Excuse me. . .I seem to be having a David Lynch moment. At least it seems like my day is unfolding as if it is a Lynch film. Everything seems to be round, or at least my perception is that everything seems round. Talk about your surreal moments. I can't even seem to wrap my head around it, thus the feeling of roundness. My brain right now feels so foggy (or is it fuzzy) and suddenly everything seems as if it is moving in very slow motion. Actually it feels as if my mind is trying to swim through molasses and I can't seem to make heads or tails of anything right now. I feel totally and utterly dejected. Or rather detached. Cookie.

The Reluctant Prince Charming

2005-08-17T17:20:00.000-05:00

There is a Prince Charming in my life, or at least I think there might be. . .eventually. Tell you the truth, I'm not sure. I know he's there, standing in the wings, he's just a little reluctant to make his entrance. In a sense he's become my Reluctant Prince Charming (or, for brevity's sake, my RPC).

My RPC is actually a close friend of one of my co-workers, whose been trying to set us up for month's now. She regales us with stories of one another, and we both agree we want to meet, but then here is where he becomes my RPC. He's rather shy it seems, and having been burned by love before, more than a little gun-shy. As my friend has told me, he's just a little scared and nervous, fearful of rejection. Then again, as I have told him in one of our many passed love notes (okay, one from him, two from me), I feel the same, for believe me, love as been quiet cruel to me as well.

For months now, we have waited and waited for my RPC to call, and finally he does, trouble is I was at lunch. Grrrr. Seems he called four times today, but each time he reaches my voicemail, gets so nervous not knowing what to say, he hangs up. When my co-worker tells me this I nearly feel my heart in my throat, finally he calls. But alas, as I sit at my desk, staring at the phone, it deems not to ring. When it finally rings, I'm across the room, and bound across to answer, only to find a woman on the other end asking about a magazine subscription for my library. Grrrr again. He'll call again, I'm sure he will. The shyness at times is quite endearing, if irritating. So I'll wait for my RPC, albeit reluctantly myself. Though I tell you this. . . I'm NOT taking a lunch again.

What You Own. . .RENT is Coming!!!

2005-08-14T20:29:00.000-05:00

I am soooooo excited. Went and saw Must Love Dogs today, must say, excellent romantic comedy, great date movie, just wish I had had a date. But back to what I wanted to say, during the trailers, I saw it finally, the RENT trailer. I was so dancing in my seat. I can't wait for this movie. I've been waiting forever since I heard it was going to be made into a movie. I love this musical, and I'm sure to love this movie. November 23, 2005. . .I can't wait, now let's just see if I can find a date for this one. Where is that Prince Charming??? If you want to keep up with it before hand, here's the Rent Blog Site.

"Nothing as Strange as People. . ."

2005-08-07T22:41:00.000-05:00

Queer as Folk! It's kind of funny to think how three little words from Britain have changed so many lives. I just finished watching the series finale tonight of QAF and I feel both joyous and sad at the same time. I have come to view these individuals, these friends, this family as if were my own. I never really have had friends like them, or even a family like that. It was comforting to let these characters into my life and to think, that even for a brief moment, I was there on Liberty Avenue, sharing their stories with them. In the end these are our stories, the stories of gay men and women everywhere, that needed to be told. But now there is a void, yet even though QAF has come to an end, our stories still unfold, our lives still go on. Some of our stories may yet still be told, some may fade away into normalcy. Yet they still remain, as we do, always. QAF has changed the lives of many, and will still. Though all good things must come to an end, and thus we bid adieu. Thank you QAF for our stories. Rest in Peace.

Walking Dead

2005-07-29T17:05:00.000-05:00

I have again entered the ranks of the walking dead. Since my ASL 1 class is now over (and let me tell you I passed with flying colors) and the next class doesn't start until the end of August, I once again decided to offer my services at work. This of course entails teaching a general education course. So along with my duties as librarian, I am also, once again, super instructor. Believe me I have to be. Coming in to work at 8:00 am and then not leaving again until 10:45 pm, I am run down, beat, and becoming downright surly, yet I still have to be so. . .perky for those night students. Bleh!! After the first week my students know better, wait until I tell them about my times of the month. But I look at it this way, the money sure is nice. Now let's just hope they give me that promotion or I'm sure to go ballistic.

Cleaning My Room

2005-07-06T15:26:00.000-05:00

I worked on cleaning my room this weekend; however, the rather futile point of this entire exercise is that this is an endeavour that has been going on now for nearly two months. I'm still not through. I can't believe how much of a pack rat I've become. Then it hit me, my room has become an outer representation of my inner self. I noticed when I seemed to make no dent in the clutter at all, that the entire task seemed daunting. I didn't know where to turn. I'm just going around in circles. Suddenly the same sense of failure and dread consumned me, like it usually does when I look at my life. The realization hit me that I hold on to too much in my life, emotional baggage I should have let go of long ago still sits there on my closet shelf gathering dust. I hold onto failed experiments in life. I hold onto grudges. I hold onto failed relationships (or rather relationships that never had a chance to get off the ground). I hold onto hurt. I hold onto lose. In turn I hold onto all the objects associated with these, and it becomes clutter in my life. Now having come to this realization, I have to reflect on my life and figure out why I decided to hold onto these things and why I can't seem to let them go. It's a slow process, but I do know that I have two garbage bags ready to head to the curb.

To Blog or Not. . .

2005-06-30T19:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I should continue to blog or not. I find it a healthly outlet and it gives me a place to rant and place my feelings down. Heck, it gives me something to do. I share information, of a sorts, that is of interest to me. But does anyone read it?? I wonder if I'm even reaching anyone. Are you out there? I do know that I find the lack of a search feature very disheartening. I can't seem to find any recent blog posts from people who share my interests, many because there is no viable way to search for said people or blogs. If I can't find them, then how then could they possibly find me? Well as I search for these answers, I suppose I'll just keep blogging on the off chance someone does read, and does care.

"Table Slut"

2005-06-20T14:39:00.000-05:00

Three words. . .I Love Massage!! Since I started working at my current job over a year and a half ago I found the joys of a regular full-body massage. (There are some perks to my job, few, but they're there.) Sometimes it's once or twice a week, but you'll find me in that clinic after work under the sheet and ready. It's become like a drug, and it's intoxicating. To be able to just let yourself drift away while the therapist kneads away all the stress and toxins building up in your muscles, it's heaven. It has become a wonderful stress reliever. I recommend massage to anyone and everyone that has stress, sore muscles, or just wanting to pamper themselves. Needless to say, I have become a "table slut."

The Boredom Cometh

2005-06-14T18:57:00.000-05:00

Yes, two in one day. What can I say it gives me something to do, along with twiddling my thumbs, but they got tired. Why do I allow myself to get bored? I'm sure there are all sorts of projects that I could start, but what is the use of that? These projects would just be tedious busy work that in the end nobody would really care about. So I slowly count down the minutes until it is time for me to go home, but the boredom is like an unwelcome houseguest, it follows me there too. Again there are projects I could do at home, these would be much more rewarding I'm sure, but sometimes I just can't seem to bring myself around to starting any of them. Then I find when I start something, it's hard to finish. For instance, I've been cleaning my room for two days now and I just can't seem to make a dent. Things seem to overwhelm me and I can't place why or how. I've become a serious homebody without really meaning to be. It came on suddenly and frankly it scares me. I know I've got to make a change in my life, but I just don't know where to begin. I suppose this is a start, but talking about it isn't necessary doing it. And so the boredom becomes tedium.

Lyric Whispers

2005-06-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, I have to admit I've gotten addicted to blogging. I've just created another blog where I can share with all of you my lyrical ramblings. My poetry, stories, even photography can now be found at http://lyricwhispers.blogspot.com I hope you enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

For the Better

2005-06-13T09:18:00.000-05:00

Sometimes people come into our lives, even if for a short time, and change them greatly. Whether for good or bad, this change is always for the better. Christopher is just one of those people. Though in this case Chris has become a friend that will be greatly missed. I met Chris through work, and from the first instance we both knew we were going to be very good friends. In the past several months our friendship has grown, and Chris has come to change my life more than I could ever imagine. Truth be told, it is because of Chris that I got off my ass and went back to school for Sign Language. He has also given me something that I had needed, a goal in life. Chris is leaving on Tuesday to move to Portland, Oregon with his boyfriend. We've talked, and I plan to follow them out there within a year. That is my goal now. I have always wanted to leave Florida and head out west, but Chris has now given me the drive and desire to see my dreams through, something I had thought I lost long ago. Chris has become my friend, my confidant, my brother. Though we plan to keep in touch, he still will be greatly missed. He has no idea really how profoundly he has affected my life, but he has definitely changed it for the better. I love you Chris, and thank you.

The Joy of Sign

2005-06-09T18:58:00.000-05:00

There are few bright spots in my summer. Though one bright spot that gets me through my week, is my ASL I class. I had always been interested in sign language, started while back in my undergrad, later taken a few six-week courses via the local school district's adult education program, but this time around I thought I would do it right and enrolled in the local community college. American Sign Language is a beautifully visual language and I really enjoy learning it. I have just recently decided that I am going to go through all four levels offered at the community college and then become certified as a sign language interpreter. Well it really isn't a recent decision, but rather than just dream it, I finally decided to get off my ass and actually do it! Sometimes I find myself dreaming all sorts of dreams, looking into them, then watching them fall away like so many blossoms in a summer rain. I need to make something more for myself, than just wishing for something better in my life. So here I am back at the community college, even though I have a masters, redefining my life, and what I want to make out of it. No more sitting on the sidelines. Ah the joy of sign.

Looking for that Prince Charming

2005-06-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

Last month I celebrate an anniversary of sorts. I celebrated my coming out of the closet. Finally, after years of stolen glances in High School, I admitted that I was gay. There I was on a couch at college, reading another students coming out story, and crying. To this day I remember that student and thank him. I wonder what he's up to now. It was also another type of celebration, the celebration of being a singleton. Yes, I'm still in the eternal search for that Prince Charming. But I still seem to be kissing frogs. I've dated a couple guys, but as the weeks turn into a month, they have all disappeared. As of yet I have not had a true long-term relationship. I wonder sometimes if I am destined to be single for life, then I just tell myself I haven't found the right man yet. Will I ever find him?? I don't know. I know I went on a date this evening. Will it turn into something, or just be another one of those one night coffees? I always try to maintain a positive attitude. But still I am single and the near future does not look rosy. But I still kiss the frogs, and hope at least one of them turns into my Prince.

Whirling Dervish

2005-06-08T10:53:00.000-05:00

The things going 'round in my head are like whirling dervishes. It's a wonder I can sleep at night with everything I have on my mind. Need a new job, need a new home, need a boyfriend, need a new life period. Bouncing to and fro, it's hard to keep everything straight, and in the end I always loose something, just to find it again and add it back to the already spinning whirlwind I call my brain. Though I hope that putting it all down will allow me to gain some perspective and not force me back to the pill bottle. Mmm. . .Prozac.

The Continuum of Boredom

2005-06-07T18:40:00.000-05:00

The boredom continues. . .to this day. Currently I am so bored at work that I decided to finally start my blog. Currently I am a librarian in Orlando, Florida, but the poor pay and lack of respect continues to prey on my concious, making me wonder if I have made the right choices in my life or not. Everyday I look into my mirror and wonder, "Is this really who I wanted to be?" Honestly I can't seem to answer that question and it does disturb me. So I'll continue to ponder, to wallow in my boredom and think, and to of course share these musing with you.