Divergence

Physically I'm here, mentally I'm somewhere else. My life seems to follow divergent paths, where I am, and where I want to be. I begin to wonder where the divergence occurred, when did my two selves separate. I am not where I envisioned myself 5 or even 10 years ago. So many life changes, so many decisions made and lost. So many dreams and aspirations, gone. Is the real me actually out there? Having the life I've wanted for so long? Sometimes I feel like a shadow, looking in from the outside, never really a part even of my own life. Currently I am attempting to bring things into focus, to create a convergence, but things seem to be taking their sweet time. Life moves at a snail's pace. Lately it just feels like I'm disjointed. I'm neither depressed nor happy, I just am. Day to day living has become routine, a rut that sometimes I feel has become too deep to escape from. Six feet under, with nowhere to go. I know though that the dirge has yet to be written. Change is on the wind, I just wish the wind would pick up a little, it's getting a little stuffy down here.