To Blog or Not. . .

Sometimes I wonder if I should continue to blog or not. I find it a healthly outlet and it gives me a place to rant and place my feelings down. Heck, it gives me something to do. I share information, of a sorts, that is of interest to me. But does anyone read it?? I wonder if I'm even reaching anyone. Are you out there? I do know that I find the lack of a search feature very disheartening. I can't seem to find any recent blog posts from people who share my interests, many because there is no viable way to search for said people or blogs. If I can't find them, then how then could they possibly find me? Well as I search for these answers, I suppose I'll just keep blogging on the off chance someone does read, and does care.

"Table Slut"

Three words. . .I Love Massage!! Since I started working at my current job over a year and a half ago I found the joys of a regular full-body massage. (There are some perks to my job, few, but they're there.) Sometimes it's once or twice a week, but you'll find me in that clinic after work under the sheet and ready. It's become like a drug, and it's intoxicating. To be able to just let yourself drift away while the therapist kneads away all the stress and toxins building up in your muscles, it's heaven. It has become a wonderful stress reliever. I recommend massage to anyone and everyone that has stress, sore muscles, or just wanting to pamper themselves. Needless to say, I have become a "table slut."

The Boredom Cometh

Yes, two in one day. What can I say it gives me something to do, along with twiddling my thumbs, but they got tired. Why do I allow myself to get bored? I'm sure there are all sorts of projects that I could start, but what is the use of that? These projects would just be tedious busy work that in the end nobody would really care about. So I slowly count down the minutes until it is time for me to go home, but the boredom is like an unwelcome houseguest, it follows me there too. Again there are projects I could do at home, these would be much more rewarding I'm sure, but sometimes I just can't seem to bring myself around to starting any of them. Then I find when I start something, it's hard to finish. For instance, I've been cleaning my room for two days now and I just can't seem to make a dent. Things seem to overwhelm me and I can't place why or how. I've become a serious homebody without really meaning to be. It came on suddenly and frankly it scares me. I know I've got to make a change in my life, but I just don't know where to begin. I suppose this is a start, but talking about it isn't necessary doing it. And so the boredom becomes tedium.

Lyric Whispers

Okay, I have to admit I've gotten addicted to blogging. I've just created another blog where I can share with all of you my lyrical ramblings. My poetry, stories, even photography can now be found at http://lyricwhispers.blogspot.com I hope you enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

For the Better

Sometimes people come into our lives, even if for a short time, and change them greatly. Whether for good or bad, this change is always for the better. Christopher is just one of those people. Though in this case Chris has become a friend that will be greatly missed. I met Chris through work, and from the first instance we both knew we were going to be very good friends. In the past several months our friendship has grown, and Chris has come to change my life more than I could ever imagine. Truth be told, it is because of Chris that I got off my ass and went back to school for Sign Language. He has also given me something that I had needed, a goal in life. Chris is leaving on Tuesday to move to Portland, Oregon with his boyfriend. We've talked, and I plan to follow them out there within a year. That is my goal now. I have always wanted to leave Florida and head out west, but Chris has now given me the drive and desire to see my dreams through, something I had thought I lost long ago. Chris has become my friend, my confidant, my brother. Though we plan to keep in touch, he still will be greatly missed. He has no idea really how profoundly he has affected my life, but he has definitely changed it for the better. I love you Chris, and thank you.

The Joy of Sign

There are few bright spots in my summer. Though one bright spot that gets me through my week, is my ASL I class. I had always been interested in sign language, started while back in my undergrad, later taken a few six-week courses via the local school district's adult education program, but this time around I thought I would do it right and enrolled in the local community college. American Sign Language is a beautifully visual language and I really enjoy learning it. I have just recently decided that I am going to go through all four levels offered at the community college and then become certified as a sign language interpreter. Well it really isn't a recent decision, but rather than just dream it, I finally decided to get off my ass and actually do it! Sometimes I find myself dreaming all sorts of dreams, looking into them, then watching them fall away like so many blossoms in a summer rain. I need to make something more for myself, than just wishing for something better in my life. So here I am back at the community college, even though I have a masters, redefining my life, and what I want to make out of it. No more sitting on the sidelines. Ah the joy of sign.

Looking for that Prince Charming

Last month I celebrate an anniversary of sorts. I celebrated my coming out of the closet. Finally, after years of stolen glances in High School, I admitted that I was gay. There I was on a couch at college, reading another students coming out story, and crying. To this day I remember that student and thank him. I wonder what he's up to now. It was also another type of celebration, the celebration of being a singleton. Yes, I'm still in the eternal search for that Prince Charming. But I still seem to be kissing frogs. I've dated a couple guys, but as the weeks turn into a month, they have all disappeared. As of yet I have not had a true long-term relationship. I wonder sometimes if I am destined to be single for life, then I just tell myself I haven't found the right man yet. Will I ever find him?? I don't know. I know I went on a date this evening. Will it turn into something, or just be another one of those one night coffees? I always try to maintain a positive attitude. But still I am single and the near future does not look rosy. But I still kiss the frogs, and hope at least one of them turns into my Prince.

Whirling Dervish

The things going 'round in my head are like whirling dervishes. It's a wonder I can sleep at night with everything I have on my mind. Need a new job, need a new home, need a boyfriend, need a new life period. Bouncing to and fro, it's hard to keep everything straight, and in the end I always loose something, just to find it again and add it back to the already spinning whirlwind I call my brain. Though I hope that putting it all down will allow me to gain some perspective and not force me back to the pill bottle. Mmm. . .Prozac.

The Continuum of Boredom

The boredom continues. . .to this day. Currently I am so bored at work that I decided to finally start my blog. Currently I am a librarian in Orlando, Florida, but the poor pay and lack of respect continues to prey on my concious, making me wonder if I have made the right choices in my life or not. Everyday I look into my mirror and wonder, "Is this really who I wanted to be?" Honestly I can't seem to answer that question and it does disturb me. So I'll continue to ponder, to wallow in my boredom and think, and to of course share these musing with you.